“The Precious Me, Reborn”
Hello, Ladies!
I’m Hani, from Kepong—
a place full of warmth and human connection,
yet also a home shaped by emotional turbulence.
As a child, I had to carry the weight of sudden emotional storms from the adults around me.
I was still just a little girl,
yet I learned too early to take responsibility for the unspoken pain of others.
That left me lost and full of questions about what life truly meant.
On many nights as a teenager,
I would lie awake and ask myself:
“What will my future look like?”
I searched for an escape,
and slowly, I learned to be gentle with myself.
Even though every step I took was uncertain and trembling,
I never gave up on chasing my dreams.
For those dreams, I crashed into walls.
My heart broke, over and over again.
But I never surrendered.
Later, I entered marriage.
I built a family.
I thought that having food on the table and living a stable life
was all that “happiness” meant.
But soon I realized—
it was only the beginning of another cycle.
Confusion, disappointment, and repeated patterns followed me everywhere.
I thought I was “protecting”
the next generation.
But in truth, I was silently passing down the same pain,
the same chaos,
that had once been handed to me.
Then one day, I looked into the eyes of my two children.
And in them,
I saw the little girl I once was,
crying out for help.
At that moment, I knew—
I had to wake up.
I could not let them grow up in my shadow.
I could no longer trade silence and endurance for the illusion of peace.
This is a long journey of self-awakening.
But step by step,
I am walking out of the fog.
I am choosing to become their sunlight—
and also my own light.
I am deeply grateful to Gigi,
the organizer of She Rises,
for inviting me to be part of this project The Power of Writing.
This is not just participation—
it is an honor, a badge of courage,
stamped upon all my struggles, persistence, and faith.
Yes, the past may not have been what I wished for.
It was imperfect, ordinary, even painful.
But it is precisely those cracks and flaws
that shaped the one and only me today—
my limited-edition self.
I once told my son:
“We may not be able to change the past,
but we can choose to create a fuller, more beautiful present and future.”
And so, I chose to rise—
starting with me.
Whether girl, young woman, wife, or lady—
I am not alone.
The discomfort I feel in the process is normal.
It means I am shedding old layers.
I am being reborn.
I am finally seeing myself
in all my truth,
in all my fullness.
Grace and calm do not come overnight.
They are born from walking through pain,
from tears, from falling,
from standing back up again.
Dear self,
you do not need to wait for others to applaud you.
So now, let us clap for ourselves.
Because we have walked through the fire.
Because we still choose to love.
I am precious.
And I will remember:
only when I love myself well,
I have the strength to give love to others.
We are all worthy of love.
Worthy of being seen.
Worthy of wholeness.
Worthy of fulfillment.